Tomagraph

Tom Waits does not send SMS’s. Nor does he leave voice messages, instant messages or uses chat programs of any kind. Instead, he would carve his message onto the surface of a bar, or a wet plank of wood left on the street, or the thigh of a young call girl. Circumstances will do the rest. In any case, by the time you have seen it, it’s already too late.

Rusty Waits

Did you know?

When Tom Waits sings, glass doesn’t break, it rusts. Must be why plastic beer cups are so popular at Tom’s shows.

Muppet Waits

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Tom Waits once guest starred on Jim Henson’s muppet show. The cameo appearance remains largely unknown due to the fact that Tom Waits played a sax player in Animal’s band, and looked remarkably like a muppet himself.

Club snub

Did you know?

Tom Waits owns a chain of nightclubs that don’t let in anyone who looks like they make over $20,000 per year. They are known for their cheery ambiance and cheap booze. A particular treat is the free option of serving as bouncer for as long as an hour if there’s no other takers, and snubbing yuppies at the entrance to the club.

Special birthday post

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Tom Waits doesn’t celebrate his birthday, but every living creature and organism on Earth feels inexplicably blessed for one day a year.

On birds and worms

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The early bird doesn’t actually ever get the worm, because Tom Waits always gets to it first with his nightcap of tequila.

Tom Waits on emo

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Tom Waits’ official statement on the phenomenon of emo music was: “If they were really as down on life as they proclaim, they’d quit their whining and get to drinking like the rest of us.” Words of wisdom.

Bad credit

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Even though he’s had a long and extremely successful career, Tom Waits has the worst credit in the world. Credit card companies refuse to issue credit cards to Tom’s name because they know that although it hasn’t happened yet, there’s still a great risk that Tom might blow his entire fortune on a bender and disappear into thin air. So Tom’s forced to use cash to make his liquor purchases.

Taming Tom

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Tom Waits was on the verge of a successful career as a lion tamer before it turned out that the lions were so terrified of Waits that after one session with him they would turn into a whimpering mess, thus rendering the whole act a tad pathetic. Henceforth Tom was forced to turn his menacing energy towards pianos, who are also at times seen whimpering after an especially hair raising performance.

The Waits orchestra

Did you know?

Tom Waits is the world’s greatest multi-instrumentalist, having received the title by playing 276 different instruments at once. Sufficient to say that during the performance Tom was playing a harpsichord with the knuckle of the middle toe on his left foot, while his right earlobe was busy strumming away at a sitar.