The shape of things

Did you know?

Tom Waits is made up entirely of stem cells and can regenerate or change shape at will. The rough and ragged form we all know and love is a deliberate and well thought out choice.

Miracle Waits

Did you know?

Jesus may have turned water into wine, but Tom Waits turns water into Jack Daniels whiskey. Without even trying.

Parents they just don’t understand

Did you know?

Tom Waits owns and operates a center for troubled youths. At the center, youngsters from the ages of 9 to 20 can participate in Waits’ Coolness Seminars in which he teaches the kids how to swagger, hold their liquor and give Tom’s famous 20 yard stare which has been know to cause minor seizures and strokes at its most extreme.  

Diamond in the rough

Did you know?

Tom Waits can produce diamonds by squeezing a lump of coal between his buttocks. Tom refuses to reveal how this fact has come to his knowledge.

The bottomless tap

Did you know?

Tom Waits has four nipples. Two regular ones, and two that produce a different brand of beer each. Waits has to make sure not to pass out in a bar, for fear of being milked by alkies.

Tom Waits sans chat

Did you know?

Tom Waits had his portrait painted by Pablo Picasso right before the master’s death. The painting featured a black trilby hat, partially obscuring a piano grin with a cigarette limply hanging off its lip. The rest of the painting consists of a fountain of razor sharp triangles cutting into each other, threatenning to cut into the central figure. Some refer to the painting as proof of Picasso’s fear of castration, but then again Waits has been known to inspire the same fear even in women!

Baby you can drive my car

Did you know?

Tom Waits drives a custom made Ford Thunderbird that runs on broken dreams. It’s a big hit with environmentalists.

Thaughmment Wiaeghchts

Did you know?

Tom Waits’ original name is Thaughmment Wiaeghchts, however, the Gaelic beauty of the name was lost on anybody’s tongue but Tom’s himself, with reported cases of seizures amongst those who tried to pronounce the full name correctly. Being a humanist, we now know Thaughmment Wiaeghchts simply as Tom Waits.

The horse whisperer

Did you know?

Tom Waits is a genius at playing the ponies. When Tom places a wager, the details are immediately transfered to the jockey of Tom’s favourite, who then proceeds to tell the horse that if he doesn’t come first Tom Waits will eat him for lunch. He never loses.

Tom vs. the mountain

Did you know?

Tom Waits had a house built on top of mount Vesuvius, apparently in order to show the mountain what for in case it ever wants to errupt again. Geologists claim that whatever rumbles were heard beneath the Vesuvius soil have ceased ever since the house was built.